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Life is to
Laugh and Think
1.
Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy.
Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'
2.
Yoginder : What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?
Sukhbinder : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!
3. Facts of Life:
By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
Logic is the systematic method of arriving at the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggy!" till you can find a rock.
The best reason to divorce a man is health------ you're sick of him.
4.
Malayalee's confusion
Once, in a village in Kerala, there lived two identical brothers. They looked very much alike in every respect and the villagers
often had trouble distinguishing between them.
Unfortunately, one of them died. Sankaran Kutti, our hero, decided to visit the grief-stricken family and console them. Now,
there was a problem. Sankaran was not sure which of the brothers had died.
Our ever-resourceful hero solved the problem ingeniously. He walked upto the surviving sibling and asked amidst tears -
"Is it you who is dead or is it your Brother ?"
5.
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."
6.
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin
instead.
The manager comes running and asks him,
"Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the man replies,
"Oye,tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin'"
7.
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the
phone
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But...what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
8.
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a
It's
all in the punctuation:
9.
An
English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men
wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote:
"Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
10.
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the
columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary
Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote : Yes
.
11.
Sardar and the lie detector
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon
to test
a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20
bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ,
goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
12. Words of Wisdom :
Support bacteria------it’s the only culture some people have.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Nothing helps adult education like children.
The way for nations to do away with war may be to pray more, and prey less.
Amnesia is nature’s way of saying, ”Forget it!”.